The Loneliness of Leading

There is a particular kind of loneliness that comes with leading a nonprofit, and it is not the kind anyone warns you about when you take the job. Nobody tells you that you will lie awake running budget projections in your head, or that every unanswered grant will feel like a personal rejection, or that you will smile through a board meeting while quietly wondering if the organization will survive the year. And because nobody talks about it, most leaders assume they are the only ones carrying it.

I was one of those leaders.

Years ago, when I was a young Executive Director, I placed a small anonymous feedback box outside my office because I wanted my staff to feel safe sharing their thoughts about their experience working in the organization and with me. One day I opened a slip of paper that read: "I love you and the mission, but I can't work with you anymore." I held that paper in my hands for almost 24 hours, trying to understand how those two things could possibly coexist.

When I finally asked if we could talk, she was incredibly generous. She shared that while she loved the work deeply, she was overwhelmed by the stress and anxiety I carried around fundraising and organizational survival, and that it felt like she was holding emotional weight that belonged to me as the leader.

That stopped me completely.

I had been so focused on keeping the organization alive that I never stopped to consider what my fear was doing to the people around me. Anxiety does not stay contained. It seeps into the room, into the culture, into the way people feel when they show up every morning.

That conversation was one of the greatest gifts of my leadership life, not because it was easy but because it was true. And the truth, when someone offers it to you with grace, is something worth receiving.

If any of this feels familiar, you are not alone. The first step is simply naming it, not fixing it, not having all the answers, just being willing to say: this is heavy, and I want to carry it differently.

Mil abrazos 💛